I can text with my tongue
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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