Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
