What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
