It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
