You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
