he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
