it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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