My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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