Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
