then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm really into asian looking animals
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
