You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
