How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
