i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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