dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
