He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have tasted many bathrooms
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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