Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
