I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
