Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
