Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
