If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
