8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
