Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
