Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
