Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
