I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
