areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
