she looked like the before picture.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When did angry sex become our thing?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
