I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
