Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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