If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
