Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
