Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
