Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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