Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
