Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
