I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Green mimosas i think yes
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
