; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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