i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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