Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
