I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
