In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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