we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
