There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
