the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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