I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
