38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
