my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
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Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
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I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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