i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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