we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
