im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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