my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize