happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
