No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
