So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's never too late to be topless.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
