This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
