what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
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I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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