Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
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Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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