nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
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she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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