I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
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MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
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I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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