Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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