i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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