$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
