just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
