She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
