I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
