my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Randomize
