We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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