I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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