please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
