We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
