Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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