walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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