I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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