You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
