It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
