im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
